Today was extremely difficult. Some things happened and have been happening to re-awaken me to the fact that I am a nice person and don't deserve to be treated as crappy as I have been. My heart does hurt, but I keep learning from these lessons. Sigh. I wish all this mess had some how been so much easier to learn from.
I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds, sewn partially up and then left hanging. It needs to finish healing and I think the email I recently sent was a HUGE help...the results, which I'm nervous about could either be very good, very bad, or have no results what-so-ever. It makes me nervous, but I have to leave it ALL in God's hands. I want His best so badly.
I have this deep desire in my heart to be loved and cared for. I want a family so bad. I've gotten a touch of the baby fever. It made me sad walking past the baby clothes in the store today. I have this desire in my heart and I know God gave it to me, when will He fulfill it? Sometimes being patient is so hard.
So, I let the tears fall today. Tears for mistakes and tears for loneliness and tears for unfulfilled dreams.
But on the positive side of things, I made my weight goal! I have been ill this week....so much so that I lost 7lbs! I am now down to 239 - which means I owe myself a new pair of workout shoes!! I've lost a total of 22 1/4 inches overall on my body! Yay for progress. A new picture will come your way very soon! :)
Keep praying for my heart - for God to guard and protect it and to keep me safe from harm.
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