Weight Loss Update 3

So, I totally don't have my measurements and after a weekend of unhealthy eating and drinking I gained a couple pounds. I was so close to my next ten pound goal.  But I'm going to keep sticking with it!  Here is my newest pic.  I shocked myself when  looked in the mirror and realized I was developing a figure with some hot mama curves! This shirt of course does not help at all, but one of these days I'll take a pic with just my tank and shorts on!  That is, when I get brave.

P.S. Ignore the messy hair - I had just come back from working out.

P.S.S. In the words of Vanilla Ice, "I'm back with a brand new edition!"

I love my Brother

My brother sent me this message a couple weeks ago.  It made my night.  I love him bunches!

• April 12
• 

  2:50pm

  Admeral Tarvis Eldon Gates

  i know it's been a while, but i find it difficult to get up at a decent time to be able to call home...let mom and dad know that everything is fine here...we are registered with the U.S. embassy here and they will let us know if we need to evacuate...i also have a really good friend who works for intelligence for the air force and i hung out with him tonight and i asked him if we needed to be concerned and to go and he said that as much as he can tell us is that north korea could do something, but it wouldn't be against south korea...it would be more towards the bases in japan and guam...what kim jung un is doing right now is the same thing that his father did in 2009....he made all of these threats and went to the talks with everyone and got his needs met...the thing is that the current administration hasn't jumped to his needs the way bush did then...so he is making more threats...he isn't crazy...kim jung un is actually really smart and educated and he would have so much to loose if he really did anything...it is all just power play...he is tying to prove himself as a leader and make himself a valid player on the world table and prove and show the world that they are a valid player when it comes to nukes...the western media just blows it way out of proportion...but be that as it may...we are ready to go if we really need to...
• 

  3:04pm

  Admeral Tarvis Eldon Gates

  and by the way sis...you are looking awesome and i am really proud of you for the progress that you have made in losing weight...i never really pictured you to be someone that is athletic, but it seems that you have found your niche in roller derby...keep up the good work and know that you have inspired me to work on my own health...i love you sis and i can't wait to hang out with you agan...as far as i know we will be coming home after our current contracts end...it is time for us to come home and start our real lives...we have made some great progress in paying off our debts which is why we came here in the first place...we'll see you soon...

Loneliness

So, this past week has been really difficult.  Yes, yes, lots of tears.  I've never been much of a crier, but I've cried more in the past few months than I have in my entire life.  I'm still trying to work though things - unfortunately I've been trying to do it on my own. I can't even work though heartache without God....takes quite a while to deal with those things.

I realized on Monday of last week that I was angry with God for taking away something that I really wanted.  And that hurt me deeply.  I know He has reasons...and I know I learned from it already and am still learning from it, but that doesn't make it any easier.

So what happens when you are angry with God?  You shut Him out - or at least I have been -  without realizing it.  I didn't want to share my hurt with anyone...I felt like I'd been blabbing my hurt and heartache to everyone around me and they were sick of hearing about it, so I cut it off...I don't talk about it, even though my insides ache with loneliness.  I want it to be fixed.  I want God to whip out those giant princess band-aids  mend me up, take away all the sadness and tears and send me on my way - HAPPY.  Instead I feel the scar - it's pretty deep, and the hurt is still there, although it doesn't ache like used to.  And the depression has begun to slip in...the fog of not wanting to do anything but cry, emotionally eating is trying to sneak back in, the want of nothing but to sleep and make it all go away.  I have to force myself to go to the gym.  And where is God in all this?  Why isn't He listening to my prayers?  Why isn't he giving me back my happy heart?  Why can't I connect with Him?  Why? Why? Why?  All the whys have driven me to my knees more than once... But I feel like I'm holding back part of me because I don't know what God wants and that's a scary place to be in.

The sermon yesterday was about faith...and then today when I was reading during my QT, again God showed me a passage about faith.  It doesn't matter how small my faith is.  God will take what faith I have and grow it.  So what I need to do is to take a deep breath - let it go and give it over to God (easier said than done, right?).  I'm not sure what this is going to look like.  I do trust God and I do have faith in Him.  It's often that connection between my heart and my head that makes it difficult.

And the loneliness   Only God can fill that empty void in my heart.  It feels so gigantic, but He's gotta be the one filling me up before I can be with anyone else.  I just know I gotta take it one step at a time.