This has been a really rough week. I can see the end in sight, but instead of seeing Saturday as a day off, I'm dreading it. It's going to be a day that for the most part, I will spend alone.
It's hard for me to be alone. I am an introvert, but when I'm alone-alone, I feel like I'm slipping back into my old ways - into a depression. My love language is quality time...I crave that time with my friends and loved ones. Part of me is just crying out for time with someone special.
God knows my heart and I truly want His best for me. I had these princess band aids on my heart and my heart was healing from it's hurt and then this decision I needed to make...I made it and I'm working on taking care of the rest of it, but one of the band aids ripped of part of the scab on my heart...what was healing felt freshly injured. I feel like I should be so beyond this. Why can't my heart heal? What's holding me back? Why couldn't it have worked? Why am I forced to be alone? When will the desires of my heart be filled?
God's answer for me: This is not MY best for you. You deserve MY absolute best and that wasn't it. Don't make compromises, be who I created you to be! Love Me and put Me first and I will fill the desires of your heart.
By why is it so hard to put that head knowledge into heart knowledge?
Trust.
I have to trust God. I can't be in control of this...I tried and messed things up. Yes, it takes two to tango, it wasn't all me, but my issues with trust and control didn't help. I need to relax and LET GOD BE.
I know today was only Wednesday (by now it is Thursday)...I'm just hoping that, praying that, God will bring encouragement and joy to my heart. I have to do my part, but I have to trust Him for the rest.
Will you pray for God to guard my heart and my mind from satan's attacks?
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