Pain

I'm feeling really low...a cry my eyes out kind of low.  My back is killing me.  Finances are looming.  Car troubles.  I gained weight when I tried to loose it.  I feel absolutely alone.  I have too much junk.  The noise from these things is shouting at me.

So, I don't think I really processed the hurt I was in from the last relationship.  I was going to break up with him, but I'm still sad that it ended so poorly.  My heart hurts that I'm alone again....but I'd rather be alone than unhappy and I was unhappy.  I know God will bring the right person into my life.  In the meantime, dating is hard.  It's not easy.  I think I'm pretty much done with the whole online dating thing.  It wasn't going so well.  I miss that person to person connection that you have in life.  I'm going to trust God one day at a time that He will be faithful to bring that man into my life.

My back - I'm not sure if it is my bed or what, but I've had a back ache all day and it kept me up last night.  I couldn't get comfortable.  It still hurts right now.  I'm going to take something once I get home.

Oh finances.  Well, I made another mistake, but luckily, it can be fixed, but the trouble is that it is happening at the same time that I am having car trouble and will need to replace my car.  My car is on its last legs...unfortunately replacing it also means I loose some of my independence by moving home again.

And so, things are building up and I just want to cry my eyes out.  I wish life were easier, especially being a woman and trying to make it on my own.  I can't even afford rent and utilities by myself.  I guess i just need to start hoarding money or something.

Gaining weight-  I gained weight when I started my new job and then there were a bunch of changes with derby and our practice schedule and my work interferes with it....makes it so difficult.  I'm trying to make good choices and it has to be one day at a time.  I just have to chug along and try and do the best  I can.  I have a goal and I want to meet it.  I have a certain number of pounds I want to loose and I want to run a 5k.

Junk - I am doing my best to get rid of all of the junk in my life. Clutter, stuff, things I don't need, clothes I won't wear.  I don't need it and I don't want it.  I keep taking bags of stuff to Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Sometimes it just feels so overwhelming when you don't know what to do with it.

The noise - we talked about this at church today.  Everything screaming at me for my attention when what I really need in my life right now is to be quite and listen for God's voice.  To spend time in His word and hear what he says for me.  I need more than anything for my life to be in line with His will and to hear what He wants for me.

All this - I just need to take it one day at a time.  It will be slow and steady, but I will do my best.