Ready

I am still experiencing some heartache with all that happened.  The heart doesn't heal so quickly.  Especially when things don't make sense.

There are things I wish.  Things I wanted.  Memories I wanted to make and share and build a life on. Things he shared with me that he wanted us to do together.  Nothing is left of that.  I was hoping and praying that God would intervene.  That he would come around and apologize and come back.  No word.  Nothing.  I'm not sure I can deal with it - well, I'm not dealing well with it.

But deep in my heart I know I am ready.  To focus on another.  To completely give of myself.  To truly love someone.  I want to encourage the man God has for me.  To make his house a home and a joy to be in.  To make him happy and walk together with God.  I want to give him children and raise them in the Lord.  This desire screams from every inch of my heart.  I so badly want this...and I so badly want God's best.  I'm just not sure what it is at this time...any of it.